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Squirrel War Declared
2:12 p.m. - 2009-04-27

I saw those blankety blank rodent pests up in the plum tree eating the little baby fruit. I decided enough is enough. The chances of my hitting them with the slingshot are slim, and squirting them with the high velocity hose attachment had no lasting effect. My next plan is to feed them. I went to the Wild Bird store and consulted with the nice girl clerk. Apparently I need big chunky squirrel food (OK, got that) and a feeder with a big baffle (to keep out other undesirable rodents) to hang from some place away from the fruit trees. As much as I would like to spike the feeder with poison, we are trying to be nice here. This way, if the economy, helped by the current economically clueless ruling party, goes even further south, I will have a population of stew meat in the yard. Blech, squirrel meat, but I imagine that that opinion would change in the event of apocalyptic starvation. Wow, this is getting cheerful. Anyway..... so I couldn't afford the feeders at the store since they were around $30 and up, so I guess I could make a free one with an old pizza pan and a plastic liter bottle and some wire. The spouse will have to help me hang it from the tree or whatever.

Squirrel feed is really different from bird seed, full of big corn kernels and sunflower seeds (but no poison, worst luck).

Now that the media is trying to distract us from various administration blunders by making the populace frantic with fear over swine flu, I am wondering where the squirrel flu epidemic is when we need it.

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